Alice’s Reading – How to Say It to Seniors

A book I often recommend to families is How to Say It to Seniors, Closing the Communications Gap with Our Elders, written by David Solie, M.S., P.A.  In a practical way, steeped in respect for both elders and their grown “children,” with plenty of real family stories, Mr. Solie explains the world of elders.  He speaks to “our generation,” that is to say, anyone not yet an elder.  But, I can’t help thinking that this is a book that would be useful to all the generations.   (A personal aside: I find words “adult children” to be crazy-making.  Even though it is lengthier, I much prefer to refer to our clients’ “sons and daughters” or “family members.”)

Section One Chapter headings:

• Different Missions, Different Agendas, How the Aging Process Affects Communication.
• The Need for Control.
• Legacy, The Need to be Remembered.

Just as we have different psychological missions and drives earlier in life, elders have their own important drives.  They need to continue to be in control of their own lives.  They need to organize and pass on the important events and lessons of their lives.  Understanding and respecting these drives and how they affect us as we age has been a big help to me in communicating with my elder friends (and COL clients.)

From this base understanding, Mr. Solie proceeds to show us “The Everyday World of Older Adults, How it looks, How it feels, How it sounds.”  He talks about the predictable dilemmas of getting older only after addressing what he calls the “Myth of Diminished Capacity.”  Elders are diminished by our misunderstanding of their lives as much, or more, than by the realities of aging.  The prevalence of our assumptions about aging, that all is in decline, can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have long been a cheerleader for positive aging.  I am not talking about the perky “you’re as young as you think” attitude that denies aging, but rather,  this same attitude that Mr Solie explains and portrays so well in this book.  With aging comes wisdom, experience, and the ability to understand the big picture of life.  We need our elders to share their special stories and perspectives.  For that to happen, we need to learn to listen to them and to speak to them in ways that resonate with their pace and those important psychological drives.

One of the reasons I liked and recommend this book is the practical common-sense advice for establishing communication with elders.  Mr. Solie’s work as a medical director and the CEO of an insurance company gives his advice a real boots-on-the-ground feel.  He comes through solidly on his promise in the introduction to do these four things.

• Appreciate elders’ age-based agendas.
• Minimize the clash with our own non-elder agendas.
• Master easy strategies to facilitate elders’ life tasks.
• Enhance language and non-verbal communication with elders.

How to Say It to Seniors is full of interesting stories and insights. Check it out, try it out.  Spread the word.